Today’s post is inspired by 1. my recent experience with bullying. 1 bully in MASTERS level, get this, mental health counseling program who bullied others and I was not excluded once I tried sticking up for myself. The shocking part was the effect that it had on the class. 2. an amazing show on Dateline that is playing right now on “the perils of parenting” and they are setting up pretend scenes with hired actors to see how children, and teens react to these set up scenes. One of these scenes was a bullying scene.
Three (hired children actors), one as bully, one as accomplice, the other as victim and the other group are the three children, not actors, thinking they are trying out for reality show. Different children respond in different ways, some of the kids tried to change the subject so the bully would stop attacking the victim, some kids would ignore it, some kids would befriend the bully, and very FEW children would with strength say stop it that is wrong, look at how you are hurting him, this is not nice, and persist that this is not nice and go up to the victim and help him by playing with him and making him feel safe. This then created the opportunity for the other children (non actors) to join in to stick up for the bully.
INCREDIBLE the power of one person sticking up for a victim and how it AFFECTS the whole dynamic of the group and allows space for others to stick up for the victim as well (because the power is being taken away from the bully) as he does this.
Now to my personal story with this. WOW, shocking to me still that this is still happening and adults do this just as children do. sooo, I am as most of you know in my last class away from graduating with my masters in mental health counseling 🙂 and when you picture a room of counselors generally you picture a group of very loving and conscious people wanting to help people feel better. And some were very much so like this, but this one particular girl in class would make strange faces, condescending faces to people while they were talking. This one particular girl we will call her, was very smart not very nice but smart, and she would hear people speak or ask questions that seemed “stupid ” to her and make mean faces and talk behind their back. She picked 4 other girls in class with blonde hair and called them the blonde group and when I would be next to them (brown hair 😉 ) she would say oh “me and the blondeee girls are going to do this and move to LA” and purposely leave me out. WHen I asked one of the other girls if she was moving to LA she said No. This was the point. She liked to make people feel uncomfortable. It got worse. I noticed her influence over everyone including me. I would still try to have her like me almost as a needy attempt to be protected and of couse alot of this was subconscious stuff (that clearly!! came up for me to observe and become aware of and work through) and the rest were no exclusion. But I was aware that what she was doing was really wrong and even the girls (blonde girls) she would hang out with would say that she was mean and they didnt know why she was like that, but that that was their. (strange huh? I tend to not want friends that are mean, but bullies tend to protect the ones that are in their group, make them feel SPECIAL) and so she went on and on making faces the rest of the girls in the class despised her and didnt like her. But no one would stop her or confront her, including myself until I did- and slowly the girls in the class started to get worried. They sensed confrontation and didnt want to be involved. They would talk about this particular mean girl daily and when I started to stand up to her they backed off. One day in particular she said in the nastiest voice and face “Why would uuu eveennnn THINk that!? ” to me. I burst in tears. It was so mean I couldnt take it I exploded. In a masters level counseling program and this is what was happening (listening up people mean people are real, I dont get it, but they are real and hurt people. because afterall hurt people hurt people.) and everyone froze including the teacher. The mean girls blonde friend came out and told me she doesnt understand why the mean girl is so mean and she will try and talk to her. (brave of her) and the mean girl stayed in class and PRETENDED she cared by asking”omg did I make her cry , oh no” trying to be sincere when 10 minutes later she comes to bathroom, where I was crying with the blonde brave friend of hers and she simply ignores me and says to her brave blonde friend “Are u coming with me, should I wait for u?” her friend said no and she said Fine! and stormed away.
THE EVEN weirder part comes now, the girls who were not blonde in the class the girls I would speak with in class, and they would tell me how much they hated her all of a sudden stopped talking to me they said and I quote “we feel bad for her” they then became reallyyy nice to her and became friends with her. The whole dynamic switched. They were scared. Only 2 or 3 people were aware of what was happenned (the more spiritually mature people in the group) and were in shock. They followed her I think for fear of being outcasted. ITs powerful stuff to be a bully but all it takes is one person to stand up. I was hurt, but it was a powerful lesson. The bullywas satisfied when she felt that she could be close with you and make fun of others, the moment I stood up to her she wanted others to do the same. She was satisfied with creating “special relationships” with others to compensate for her insecurities. I took the time to be closer to the conscious women in class and spent time focusing inward and knowing how to handle things differently if this were to ever happen again.
Lessons to be learned:bullying exists in youth and even in adults and even more even in places that you wouldnt expect like mental health counseling program
be loving and make sure to stick up for yourself and for others (if in safe environment) and dont be afraid to speak up child or adult sometimes its needed.
be strong and in control when you say “Thats mean, stop it.”
create a conversation around being accepting (this just turned bold by itself, so I guess it needs to be stressed!) create and show by example to be loving and stick up for those being bullied, remember that all it takes is one person to change the dynamic into a safe space where no one has bad intentions.
And on a final note- everything is a learning experience at the time it was truly a horrible experience and I was really shaken up by it, but learning these lessons in how to deal effectively with situations like this to share with all of you is worth it.
❤ love and light to all hurt people so they can stop hurting people and love and light to myself and all the rest that have every experienced it, now we have some tips and guidance on this topic.
peace out cosmic warriors!
and remember cosmic warriors never bully !
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