I wrote this very personal blog to share with you all a feeling that I have experienced throughout my life many times, but recently, the difference was that I was conscious of it. The feeling of lonliness was the wound. And though painful the wound of feeling lonely; the lesson that came from it went beyond the pain. I usually figure that if I have felt this, that some one out there has felt it too. I hope this post inspires you all to stay strong through the wounds, through the transition and see the wisdom in the wound, because every moment is sacred.
I feel the lonliness rise in between the moments of activity and the moments of stillness. In that very moment, I allow a little light in. I feel the light touch the wound, and I cringe. I tense up a bit more. Remembering there’s more then this pain, hurts. The light reminds me of the light that I’ve been missing for so long, and it touching my sore wound, hurts. I know enough now- conscious enough now, to say Breathe. “It’s all good Christine” but STILL. The big 4 letter word FEAR creeps in. I fear it isn’t true. I fear that I will eff it up and that somehow it won’t be all good.
So close to being healed. It’s in the transition that the wounds are the rawest. It’s like at that moment, where the light touches the wound, I remember- or some part of my spirit remember’s the joy and light that she deserves, But, has deprived herself of. It’s like a faint scent that says “I was missing this. I need this.” All the emotions that were being stuffed, ignored, bubble to the surface and it’s a tad bit overwhelming. Actually it’s really fucking overwhelming. It’s a pure straight up cocktail of feelings. I consider myself to be a sensitive person but this is just RAW on the rocks emotions. No splash of sugar, juice, nada! just RAW emotions and that can be very scary for us humans and our psyche’s and definetly for me. In that moment though I crave the joy and the light I have been missed another part that seems to be armed with a silver sword comes and trys to battle me and tells me “stay comfortable, at least you know this feelings. It’s fine, you’ll get use to the pain.” Part of me then dance’s between the light and the dark. Part of me wants to run back to stay with the wound, to re-open it for fear of the unknown for fear of the new for fear of the light. Because the light touching my raw wound, for the first time in a long time, stings and I am not sure I will make it.
A dance between the lords of the the light and the lords of the dark. But the light whispers again “you deserve joy,period.”
Here’s the key that I learned in this dance. The secret is being+truly being with this moment. Beinging in the wounds of this moment. Being in the pleasure of the lessons of the wounds, of the dance of the light and the dark, in the transitioning, in it all- in this moment. Not waiting or anticipating what’s next- cause that state is not real. You see, only this moment is real because the future is just a thought. So I breathe again. in and out. mmm… For these two seconds I’m in my body and not in my mind- that though glorious is sometimes a glorious pain in the ass. And for these two seconds, I remember that the space between the action and the stillness and all the spaces that exist are all sacred. I remember that the wounds, as the healing, are all moments and opportunities that are part of my transformation. And whichever wounds you are nurturing back to health, are part of your transformation so be with them, accept them honor them all in this moment, and Breathe.
Blessings,
Christine
Post below what your wound is and how you are accepting it in this moment.
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